So Abram Went

So Abram Went

I heard the Lord
Calling me
And I ran

I’m not Jonah
There’s no boat or storm or unlikely fish supper

But I ran from the task
Too big an ask
Of someone so small
So quiet, so fearful

Inadequacy loomed and
Consumed with my humanness
In the face of his holiness
I ran

I heard the Lord
Calling me
And I doubted

I’m not Gideon
There’s no winepress or instant barbecue or sodden fleece

But I doubted that
I’d heard him right
If it was true
There would be clues

I’d look like a leader
I’d sound like a leader
I’d act like a leader
And people would nudge each other knowingly saying
“See her, she’s a born leader.”

So I doubted
And... I tested

I asked for confirmation
And I got it

I asked for more confirmation
And I got it

So then I asked for just a little bit more confirmation, please,
And this time from a stranger
And in a particular place
And at a particular time
And in a particular way

And I got it
Because he gave it

I heard the Lord
Calling me
And I argued

I’m not Moses
There’s no mountain or bush or impossible flame

But I argued with him
When he called my name
And I said, “Not me
You can’t mean me

I’m not good enough, loud enough
Brilliant enough, resilient enough
Witty enough, pretty enough
Tall enough, Paul enough

You can’t mean me
Who am I?
I am nobody.”
And he said, “I will be with you.”

I heard the Lord
Calling me
And I listened

I looked to him and who he is and I finally understood

He is the Lord

I heard the Lord
Calling me
So I went

Originally published on The Fuelcast, 12 September 2022